My mom gave me a pork roast, on the premise that I could not fuck it up. I am determined to prove her wrong. Even if I have to set the kitchen on fire.

I decide: it’s midnight, time to cook, time to do laundry, time to drink Martinis.

I have never made a martini before. I do not have a martini shaker.

So I made one out of an old honey jar that had housed coffee for a while.

Then Leah filmed me making my redneck/trailer trash-tini. I couldn’t find a shot glass, so I used a tea cup for the vodka, and I mixed raspberry martini mix and lemonade to make it.

There may have been too much vodka and tomorrow I may find that the roast is still in the oven and I never even turned it on.

Video forthcoming.